AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY

I believe, everything is a matter of learning and conditioning. As long as you really want and you are so much determined, you can learn anything; you can condition yourself to learn it. Everyone is capable of anything. The mind is more powerful than you can ever think of it. Loving, letting go, forgetting, hurting -- all of these can be learned.

Emotions, feeling of hunger and thirst, circadian rhythm, and body temperature is controlled by that tiny almond-like thing in our head called the "hypothalamus". The next time someone would call me a nut-head, I wouldn't mind it. Cause this little nut in my head lets me manipulate certain things that most people think of as uncontrollable. You may not have absolute control over it. And it may even, sometimes, take control over you (i.e., feeling irritated cause you're hungry, feeling anxious cause you're feeling hot, feeling down cause someone belittled you). But when you have conditioned yourself on how to counteract these kind of situations, then it wouldn't be a biggie to face them all by yourself.

I have realized a long time ago that you cannot control how others would think and behave. But if you could at least have major control over yourself, that's a good start on how you could manipulate things. And by that, I don't mean you can move things without touching them. I mean, you can cleverly influence others with them not having a hint about it. Well, isn't it good for you?

You may disagree with my point here, but wait til you get to it. It's not plainly about power over others. It's more of authority over oneself.

Now, I like to end this brief stance of mine with one of my favorite quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"To be great is to be misunderstood."

11:53PM, 4/20/16

I Hate Myself

I hate myself.
I hate how I can't truly express myself.
I hate how I cut myself off of the world.
I hate how I crash every time I try to do things.

I hate myself.
I hate being all alone by myself.
I hate being pushed off the edge.
I hate being me, myself and I most of the time.

I hate myself.
I hate me for confusing me.
I hate me for not understanding me.
I hate me for being in conflict with me.

I hate myself.
I hate myself for hating me.
I hate myself for hating me as who I am.
I hate myself for hating me as who I am and who I hate.

I hate myself.
I hate myself so much.
I hate myself so much that I want to die.
I hate myself so much that I want to die each night before I go to sleep.

A Conversation With My Alter Ego

ME: Can I sleep now?

ALTER EGO: NO! You gotta stay awake and study!

ME: But why? I don't need to know everything 'cause no one is smart enough to ask me about everything.

ALTER EGO: But you have already set in people's mind the things they have to expect from you.

ME: Can I just tell them that I'm stupid?

ALTER EGO: NO! They won't believe you.

ME: Why not?

ALTER EGO: 'Cause they are expecting you to be great!

ME: But why?

ALTER EGO: 'Cause you have set in their minds that you are smart!

ME: I don't like that! How can I change this 'expectation-thing' you are talking about?

ALTER EGO: You cannot change it anymore; it’s either you meet their expectations or you disappoint them.

ME: WHAT!!? No way!

ALTER EGO: As Ralph Waldo Emerson quoted, "To be great is to be misunderstood."

ME: What do you mean?

ALTER EGO: You're great. And that is the reason why people misunderstand you.

ME: When will they understand me?

ALTER EGO: Maybe, by the time you'll have the same level of greatness.

ME:  When will that be?

ALTER EGO:  Well, it depends with the person, if he or she will easily get to your level, then you'll easily understand each other.

ME: What?! I still don't understand it. When will they stop calling me "weirdo"?

ALTER EGO: By the time they'll finally understand you.

ME:  When will that be?

ALTER EGO: When they already reach the same level as yours.

ME:  I want an exact date and time!

ALTER EGO: No one can ever tell when it will be.

ME: But I'm tired of being misunderstood.

ALTER EGO: You gotta hold on.

ME: But for how long?

ALTER EGO:  From Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, “plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future full of hope." 

ME: Okay.

*End of Conversation*

 

IAmME

Perfectly Me

My body isn't perfect.
I don't walk with confidence.
I get into fights with my parents and friends.
I listen to others who I know won't listen to me.
Some nights, I'd rather be by myself than out partying.
I cry over the smallest things sometimes.
There are days that I get through with forced smiles and fake laughs.
Sometimes, I try to convince myself that things are okay when they're not.
I'm not ugly but I'm not beautiful.
I don't look as good in real life as I do in pictures.
There are some nights that I cry myself to sleep.
I constantly think I'm not good enough.
I'm imperfect but I'm perfectly me.